Internal Thoughts Of Rose Tyler
by A Little This And That
Summary: Delve into Rose's mind and see what it truly feels like to be like with the Doctor. Be one with her thoughts on this journey of stark realism of the raw emotions humans feel and see the world through her eyes.
1. Falling in Love

Here's the thing. When you fall in love, it's like you are drowning. One second your head is above the water, warmth flowing between your fingers, across your back. The sun is playing on your face, lazily kissing your cheeks. Then, next thing you know, water is rushing into your lungs, pulling at your chest, filling your body with a mixture of euphoria and terror as you plunge below.

But, as you sink into the dark depths, you notice something. You notice that your only choice is to give in, which for some people is hard, giving your life to another power. But once you let go, once you give yourself over, there is suddenly no pain, no sadness, no...anything. Just you and the other. You and the darkness. And, sometimes, we all crave this release. But, most the time, all I can do is fight this urge. Fight this unrelenting want to give myself over to them. This almost insatiable, almost irresistible voice of the deep calls to me and I swoon at the rich tones, the chocolaty notes, leading myself over the surface. The sirens of the dark pulling me in closer, edging me into the water  
 _Dive down_ They purr into my ear  
 _Just a little deeper_ Croons another  
 _Be freed_ One murmurs, words caressing my ear.  
It's so easy, so pleasurable, so...simple. Just to take a step off the diving board, and sink all the way to the floor.

That, is what it felt to fall in love with the Doctor


	2. Dreaming

I swear, every moment with him I felt this deep warmth, a glow within myself pushing me on. Every second a surge of adrenaline pumped through me. I felt the wind in my hair, lifting each strand, whispering quietly before returning it. Soaring, my mind went to my dreams, my ambitions, my hopes. Each passing me slowly, lifting my chin to meet it's gaze, patting my cheek. I want to call out to them, to pull them back to me. But they just turn, with bittersweet smiles,  
 _We were not meant to be_  
 _We are to be left behind_  
 _All we are are memories_  
Even as I wade to them, the water of emotions soaking my pants, the float away faster.  
Seeing them is a hard reality, knowing that dreams of today could well be muses of the past, only pulling strings, deep with in the recesses of our minds. It took some time to cope with that, now, my most dear dreams, could simply be a fact of the passed. That my most deep, dark, dedicated dreams are simply never going to work out. But, knowing that the future holds countless numbers of these dreams keeps pushing me forward, pushing me to find this paradise.

That, is what it felt like to dream with the Doctor


	3. Seeing

Being around him, traveling through the stars, seeing and being part the this universe, of this galaxy and beyond, you begin to see him. Not that I have outright stared, as that would come off a rude, I would find my eyes sliding across the room. Eyes that seemed to gravitate toward the odd one out, the one who was always there, but always so distant,

He was a mad man, don't get me wrong, but he had this unrelenting sense of peace around him. This sense of general release. I see him, the real him, the man who has seen the birth and death of time, of races, of worlds. This man who saves lives, who makes the choice of who live and who dies. But, I see this darkness inside of him. This small monster that hides inside of him, that claws at the inside of his hearts. You only notice when he looks into you, his eyes which mirror your own reflection. These alien eyes which hold the brightens of a star's birth and the darkness of the end of time. The Doctor hides this of course. He hides it behind a smile, behind a laughing, a kiss.

Only when I look into him do I see the real Doctor. The Doctor that ended his own life multiple times for races which knew none of his existence. The Doctor that lost it all, letting the ones he love go to love others. The Doctor that time and time again lets others in knowing that their departure will only tear into him, taking pieces of his hearts away with them.

But as I look into the Doctor, I see the man who has saved the Earth time and time again, the man who has saved worlds that were imploding, the man who continued on after he was left all alone, forced to travel as the last of his kind. The man is the Doctor, the Doctor who I will never see into again.


End file.
